*Ahem....I can fit through this.

Oh, HOW do I know this????? WEll let me tell you...A certain day in sun scorching summer I decided to go for a run through my neighborhood, let's be honest...it was more of a "jog"...running would imply it was fast...anyways...I'm feelin' all proud of myself...and as I imagine my victory shower I turn my front door handle....NOTHING. No give..no easy turn to the left...locked. Now...a weak woman would deflate immediatly. Oh yea, I did that....but then out of sheer determination and the fact that I had to go to the bathroom...I did what any Macgyver is training does....I swore. A LOT. When that didn't miraculously open the door, I tried to talk Woob into understanding the English Language and unlock the door...Let's just say she is no Lassie...Hmmmm, windows? Not a chance...my fear of someone breaking into my house and killing me in my sleep had prevented me from enjoying any sort of fresh air from a flowing breeze....next option? Well really...the only option...the dog door. Now let's be realistic...I know I'm no mouse, my bones don't just collapse into tiny porportions, trust me...those size 6 jeans KNOW this...ARG...MUTHAF@#KER...so I lug my ginormous trash can to my fence and catapulte myself over...OH IT'S A GAME...apparent to Woob who has gathered as my welcome committee of one....NOT PLAY TIME...If I had balls I'd be sweatin them off...pissed off and about to get my fat asss stuck in a dog door, I imagine who would be the first to find my body and questioned if they would immediatly laugh or try to help me? Knowing my circle of friends, I know it's the latter...DAMN....So I eye the door...ummm, glad I didnt have a big lunch....DAMN....that's a small door....OMG, I hope I'm not on some perverted nanny cam right now...OK...I...CAN...DO...THIS....quick 360 scan to ensure my neighbors can't see me....hands, head, torso through...OH IT'S GAME TIME WITH MOM!!!!!!!!! As woob tries to fit through the door with me....no hands to push her face back....so let's take stock....My hands, My head and MY torso....and Woobs head...goin through the dog door, same time....flailing legs do not deter her sudden NEED to get into the house...nor do threats of me takin her brown ass back to the pound ASAP...I'm gonna kill her, no question....I feel like I'm in a birth canal...one last push...CONGRATULATIONS dog door...You just gave birth to a grown woman, I'm BORN. Sweating, covered in dog hair and missing random areas of skin...I survived to tell my tale of survival.

P.S....picture of dog door has been slightly altered to showcase a pool that I do not own...Just tryin' to be fancy ;)